It has been more than thirty years since I gave my heart to the Lord Jesus in the summer of 1975. It all seems so long ago, and feels like another life. In fact It was another life and Iʼm a different person now.
When I was sixteen, I had an older cousin who was a Christian. She attended an assembly meeting in Texas. She shared the gospel with me, but I was young and foolish and told her that there were many ways to God, much like sewing a dress. I told her that some start with the hem, some with the neck, but we all end up with a dress.
Well, as you can tell, I hadn't sewn before or I would have known that you have to start with a pattern. But she continued to pray for me. I found this out later from her daughter. As I told her that her mother had shared about the Lord Jesus Christ with me, I could see tears in her eyes. She told me that her mother had continued to pray for my salvation throughout the years. Praise God for her faithful prayers! I hope this will encourage you to continue to pray for your lost relatives and friends, even when you donʼt see visible signs of God answering them.
I graduated from high school and went to college for a few semesters, but was confused about what I wanted to do with my life. So I decided to join the Air Force and see the world.
After my basic training in San Antonio and my medic training in Wichita Falls, I was stationed at Andrews Air Force Base near Washington D.C. at Malcolm Grow Medical Center.
Everything seemed to go well during my time there. I had worked in different departments in the hospital. One day I was placed on a general medical ward and was responsible for the care of a 26-year-old woman who was dying of cancer. That night I had gone in to take her vital signs. We were expecting her to die soon so her husband and children were with her. As I took her blood pressure, I noticed that it went down very quickly so I took it again and realized that she had died.
She was living one moment and dead the next. I was young and never had experienced death and it scared me. I turned to see the children who were looking to me to find out what was going on with their mother. I didn't know what to say. I didn't have to say anything; the expression on my face told it all. They knew their mother was dead. As they began to cry, I just walked out of the room. I wanted to be out of there as quickly as possible.
That day I began to run — to run from the Lord. But you might say that the “Hound of heaven” chased after me.
You see, someone was praying for me! She didn’t know how God was interacting in my life; she keep on faithfully praying for me. I tend to be a stubborn person so the Lord had to bring me to my knees. He had to bring me down to the lowest point in my life. And He would do just that over the next few years.
To keep from thinking about death I escaped by the use of drugs and alcohol. It helped to forget that I was mortal and that death would come some day. But forgetting only lasts as long as you are taking the drugs. I ended up with a drug overdose and found myself in the hospital. They worked with me as best they could. They gave me a choice at this point—to take a medical discharge or to be shipped overseas to England for a change of scenery which they thought might help. I chose the discharge.
After I got out of the service, I took various jobs till I ended up at the Dallas Dialysis Center. There, one of the doctors was an elder at a Dallas church. But I continued to run from God. Somehow I was able to hold down a job and continue my weekend drug use. The Lord was faithful to me even in those days in protecting me. I was tired of running at that point and finally sought to “end it all” by an overdose. I spent a few days in the hospital and was released. I began to see a psychiatrist on a weekly basis and soon I went back to work.
I had a patient, a Dallas policeman named Charlie, who I discovered was a Christian. Our patients were on artificial kidney machines for a 6 hour stretch so when I took care of him, we had a lot of time to just talk. He would share the gospel with me and I would listen. But after all, I did go to “church” to do my duty. I would tell him that I didn't think I had anything to worry about. But in the back of my mind I knew better. The doubt was there, and I couldn't shake it. Another seed was planted, this time by my patient Charlie. So now my cousin and Charlie were praying for me. As the weeks went by, I grew more anxious and was feeling more hopeless. I began to plan. On one of my weekly doctor visits, I had mentioned to my doctor that I had not been able to sleep. He gave me a monthʼs supply of sleeping pills. I now look back and wonder if he was giving me permission to commit suicide. A few days later I took the whole bottle.
Iʼm not sure if I was crying out for help or just wanted to face this fear of dying and get it over with. I woke up in Dallas Parkland Memorial Hospital with my stomach being pumped out. I was then sent to their locked ward. Now, I will tell you that Parkland psychiatric ward is a place where people committing crimes such as murder are sent for evaluation.
So this is a place where you sleep with one eye open. The worst place that you would want to be….believe me.
I had a lot of time to think. And I began to think about what Charlie had shared with me that I was a sinner in need of forgiveness. He said that Jesus loved me and He came to earth to die for my sins. Charlie said that I needed saving from Godʼs wrath. I had come to the lowest place in my life and I had nowhere else to go….and I thought that I had no one to go to. I had hit rock bottom: the lowest place in my life. I had no where to look but up.
It was there on that ward I bowed my knee to the Lord Jesus Christ. I was a sinner and all I could do was call out to Him. All that I needed to do was call out to HIM.
It was that day…that moment that I believed on the Lord Jesus Christ…
I trusted in HIM and it was that moment that He saved me — saved me from His wrath and brought me into His loving arms. “Our hearts are not safe in our own keeping and are only kept fully…when we have committed them into His keeping.”
The Lord began to change me that very day on that mental ward. I was released from being a prisoner of satan and was made a prisoner of the Jesus Christ, who is alive! How sweet to be held a prisoner by the bonds of our Fatherʼs love and I will never, ever be released from that love. It is His promise. “I waited patiently for the LORD; He inclined to me and heard my cry. He drew me up (and out) from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog and set me feet upon a rock (the Rock…the Lord Jesus), making my steps secure. He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God. Many will see and fear, and will trust in the LORD” (Psalms 40:2,3a). That is my praise and prayer.
I met my husband, Mike, a month later and he was saved within the year. We were married in June of 1978, and we have four grown children. It has been a sweet gift from my Father in Heaven to have a husband that loves Him, and to know that Mike loves me as Christ loved the church. We have had many blessings of sharing in the joys and trials of our Christian walk as we continue to “grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.”
A word to those reading this, who have not trusted in the Lord Jesus Christ…. You may not consider yourself to be as bad as I was. May I remind you of God’s Word in Romans 3:23, “For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God.” Please donʼt compare yourself to me; compare yourself to God and see your own heart as He shows it to you. Ask Him to show Himself to you in His Word. Start reading through the book of John and then run, don’t walk to the Lord Jesus Christ and give Him your all heart. “Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and you shall be saved…” (Acts 16:31).
-Vickie Gaynier
Vickie Gaynier
"I ended up with a drug overdose and found myself in the hospital."
Vickie Gaynier and her husband, Mike
May I remind you of God’s Word in Romans 3:23, “For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God.”